I’m pretty transparent, yet I’m also very private, and it is interesting that you can often read everything on my face and in my voice, but at the same time I think I’m rather good at hiding things.
Death isn’t something you can hide from – it always finds you. On July 7th, my father will be gone for 8 years.
Recently, I was doing a search for one of my dad’s friends. A person who was genuinely sweet and nice to me. I have done this search before, thinking that maybe I could connect with this man and find out some details about my Dad that I didn’t know. Most kids (I’m 47) know or can remember small things about their father . . . like what kind of beer he drank or what was his favorite TV show.
Over the past eight years, I have been unable to locate this man until yesterday. Yesterday, I learned that he passed away over a year ago. I felt an overwhelming sense of loss and missed opportunity. I felt as if an important piece of my childhood died. It’s kind of crazy that the death of this person I haven’t spoken to since I was in my 20’s would impact me in such a big way.
I will admit, July has been tough this past eight years. I remember after I wrote the first blog about my father’s death I was sent a Facebook message from his brother’s wife attacking me. I think my Dad would have been proud of the way I handled that one.
One of my fondest memories of my father was him telling me to respect my elders, and me saying “when they earn it”. He couldn’t hide the smile of pride on his face. Respect receives respect.
People on the spiritual journey often forget that just because you let something go doesn’t mean you won’t have to revisit the impact that experience has had in your life. I have included the original blog post from that July eight years ago when my father made his transition.
Death, Dad and Facebook
You hear stories all the time about connections being made via Facebook, but I truly never imagined it could be utilized by the Universe as a channel for support and knowledge.
On July 7th 2009 ,my father, Raymond Urezzio Jr, died. That news alone would be heartbreaking but we (his children) didn’t learn about it until a week later. I received a message via Facebook from a relative I hadn’t seen since I was 8. The fury, the panic, and the pain that followed was, truthfully, enormous. We (my brother and myself) tried for years to have some sort of relationship with our father. Unfortunately for all involved, he would never even meet us a fraction of the way. This past Saturday was his memorial service. We weren’t invited, nor did we attend, and I have spent the last week truly grateful for this. Why? Because I found my source of ultimate strength – compassion, and I also know that all the life balancing and intuitive tools in my toolbox work.
Someone recently said to me that a funeral was for the living, not the dead. I agree with that statement. So, without attending the memorial service, how would I receive any closure? My life and my work are already shifting to create new tools from this profound life experience — Tools to Help with Loss. This came to me on my Sunday morning walk. The best way to honor my father was to honor myself and my brother (see the fun photo of us above), and to pass on what I now know to all of you who are part of my community.
Before each tool and tips for honoring yourselves, I have offered a tribute and I thank you in advance for being a part of honoring my father in this way.
3 Ways to Honor YOU!
1. Be Generous With Yourself
Tribute: My brother, R.J., is one of the most generous people I have ever met. I know this from experience and because I often hear from others about acts of immense kindness that my brother does. He always selects the perfect gifts for me and often can’t wait until the gift giving occasion.
Tip: Where are you not being generous with yourself? Not taking time for you? Not putting money aside for something you desire? Not giving yourself enough credit? Today, notice where giving to yourself may be less than generous. Then, take a breath and ask yourself how you can be more generous to yourself in that situation?
2. Find Your Ultimate Strength
Tribute: My brother called me the “strongest woman in the world” this past week. Part of me laughs at this statement and part of me thinks “yeah, I can see that”. My goal is not to be the strongest woman in the world. My goal is to be the strongest me in my world. My strength came from going within and feeling the compassion for everyone involved in the situation. By the way, I believe my Mom is the strongest woman in the world.
Tip: Find where your strength lies. Take a moment and ground yourself. Ask your higher self what is your word of strength. Now ask Divine Intelligence to show you what that feels like in your entire body. This is your ultimate strength.
3. Accept Support
Tribute: Each person I told about this situation said the same thing: “what can I do for you?” It has brought my family (me, my mom, my brother, his wife and son) closer together. I am no longer accepting individuals in my life who do not support me 100 percent.
Tip: I challenge you to ask and receive the kind of support in your life that you desire. No more settling for second best. Determine what you desire from relationships and then accept the flow of the Universe to receive that type of relationship. All others that don’t support that desire, release your attachment for them to be different. Honor yourself by honoring what you desire.