Look, scented candles are great and can be relaxing. And I love a deep massage. A spa day can be a total treat. but when it comes to what really helps with self-care?
Ditch The Belief About Producing
An utter and absolute rejection of the belief that we are only worthy if we constantly produce, succeed, and create. When you watch what you think about, it’s often an exasperated examination of what you’ve been able to get done. You’re always hustling for that sigh of relief you get from hitting inbox zero, crossing the last thing off the to-do list, or sitting down in a completely cleaned house.
Tomorrow Is Another Day
Let’s be honest — that house starts getting dirty again the next day. Emails keep flowing in. The to-do list attracts new tasks like pigeons to potato chips. So that sigh of relief, and the time you’re allowed to finally relax…it never comes! No amount of rough-day-at-the-seashore-scented candles are gonna solve this issue. A meditation or a massage can give you a moment to pause, but if you’re like most people, you struggle to let go of the monkey mind even then.
Finding The Source
That’s why we need to get to the source of the anxiety — this feeling that you are only a worthy member of society if you are constantly producing. Deep down, we’ve been sold this lie that we have to hustle for our worthiness. That we are only valuable if we make a bunch of money
or help thousands of people or respond to everyone as soon as possible. And it is just that: a LIE.
I want to tell you the truth that changed my life. YOU ARE ALREADY WORTHY. No don’t about it: born worthy, grew up worthy and stayed worthy. Literally nothing about what you DO in this life of yours can change the basic worth of your humanity and your soul.
Picture in your mind a newborn baby. It cannot produce anything, other than poop and spittle. But is it worthy? Worthy of love and time and care and attention? 100%
What has changed between you being a baby and now being an adult? Well you’re capable of doing more stuff. You didn’t lose your basic worth as you grew up. Even though we get more complicated as we grow, we retain that default value no matter what. Sure you can argue “what about people who grow up to cause a ton of harm,” as if your inner critics are gearing up to make their point about how you, also, haven’t always been 100% excellent to others. But the truth is, even people who act shitty at times are STILL worthy of love and belonging. (It doesn’t mean that YOU are obligated to give it to them, but that’s another article about boundaries, etc.)
Accept You Are Worthy
So what if you just decided to accept that you are always, 100% worthy, no matter what you do and what if you stopped believing the lie that you are only worth what you produce and achieve?
A voice in your head might argue that you’d become the worst lazy sloth in the world, a total waste of space. From experience, let me assure you that this won’t likely happen. Humans are engineered to want to do useful stuff.
It gives us dopamine and serotonin in our brains and
makes us feel good. If you decide to accept your worthiness and stop shaming yourself for lack of productivity, you’ll simply stop being driven BY anxiety and shame and guilt. You’ll be able to find your natural drives to produce…and relax. You’ll eventually learn your own healthy experience of the ebb and flow of creativity. And you’ll feel a hell of a lot more cared for by yourself. THAT’S what self-care looks like.
Rachel Alexandria has been living a life outside the norm since 2006 when Spirit came calling to inform her she was an energy healer.
Rachel studied healing techniques while also working eight years as a licensed psychotherapist. In 2015, she expanded her client work beyond the bounds of therapy to include elements of practical coaching and spiritual mentorship. Now she works as a Soul Medic and Guide helping high performers with sensitive souls to get over their fears and take action on their passions.
Rachel also teaches an immersive personal growth program called Soul School, has written three books and is the creator of Tapping for Your Enneagram Type. For more information: www.rachelalexandria.com or @RachelRoseAlexandria.